The Portal of Mayhem
by smokey9596
Summary: The Gang come crashing down hard in the Cooks' backyard all piled up in a heap. Only 2 cool girls know about them and can see them. Will the 2 girls stay out of trouble for at least a nanosecond?
1. Chapter 1: The Arrival

**Chapter 1: The Arrival**

Hi! We're Sandra and Candice Cook the twins and we're writing this on a holiday in ClubMed Bali. It's really a weird holiday, because there's Murtagh and Nasuada squabbling behind us and Eragon singing lovey-dovey songs to Arya in the background.

"And Durza is hanging over my neck reading this!" yells Sandra. "Shoo, thou moronic individual!!!"

Durza scampers off whimpering and Sandra turns back to Candice's laptop with savage satisfaction.

"Don't bully Durza, Sandra," protests Candice half-heartedly. Why, may you ask, is this motley crew with us on holiday? We'll tell you, but you'll probably find it more than a little wacky…

SANDRA:

We were in Candy's room. I was hanging from the swing stuck in the ceiling and she was poring over the Inheritance Trilogy. Again. I told Candy to take and eye-break. So we went to our backyard and had a water hose fight.

Suddenly, a huge purple portal appeared right next to Candice. It "produced" a huge, red, overgrown lizard with wings. A nanosecond later, a guy with a messy mop of black hair popped out. He took one look at my t-shirt, wondering what was wrong with it, and almost immediately covered it. "PERVERT!!!" I yelled. Then I gave him a nice rabbit punch that knocked him unconscious. The big red thing… ok, ok, your turn, Candice.

CANDICE:

OMG!!! I think I have never been so _embarrassed_ in my life! Sandy looked confused but I knew it was definitely Murtagh and Thorn. Aaaaaaah! Well Sandra knocked Murtagh out, and I could just _sense_ Thorn flaring. _Uh oh,_ I thought, _this is not good_! I shoved Sandra behind me, and then I said,

"Thorn! Errm… how are you? What a surprise to see you…" no longer had I gone into this pleasant intro than the rest of the gang (e.g. Eragons, Arya, Saphiras, Durza, Galby… you name them, they fell through) fell through the portal in a huge heap. Sandra couldn't contain an "Ooooooooh, it's raining_ Eragon_ characters..." and forgot all about her drenched t-shirt. The Second Eragon landed with an undignified "thump!" on his S.B.ed brother (S.B.ed stands for Sandra- banged).

SANDRA:

Thorn was starting to look REALLY mad, but the Second Saphira stalked up and slapped him on the face with her tail. "Now, kids, no fighting." said Brom, struggling up with difficulty.

_Kids? I'm not a kid. __That's __a kid, and a fcking irritating one too, _Thorn snarled, staring belligerently at me.

"Hey! Wassat supposed to mean?!?" I started, but I didn't get any further than that since Candice promptly slapped her hand over my mouth.

CANDICE:

How crazy can big sisters get? I'm the _only _rational person around here! Insulting a dragon can be really, REALLY dangerous!

BOTH:

Well, after a while, we got things sorted out and-gee! You dignified folks, you wouldn't have believed your eyes!

CANDICE:

Oromis in the washing cupboard; The First Eragon under Pop's bed…

SANDRA:

Durza and Galby in Candice's room; the dragons in old Mrs. Finch's rosebeds…

BOTH:

And Murtagh In The Fridge!

SANDRA:

Heehee! Murtagh likes chee-eese! Murtagh likes chee-eese!

NASUADA:

Better than me?

SANDRA:

Definitely.

NASUADA:

You 'orrible two timer!

chases after Murtagh

CANDICE: Do you remember what a _shock_ we got when Pop and Mom decided to bring us all on holiday?

SANDRA:

Yeah, I totally _fainted_!

CANDICE:

No you didn't!

SANDRA:

_Metaphorically_ speaking! as Archie Hubbs would say.

CANDICE:

You're totally OBSESSED with that guy…

SANDRA:

AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CANDICE:

Alright then, you're obsessed with _Trouble Kelp_.

SANDRA:

GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

CANDICE:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!

Well, so we ended up in Bali with this whole lot, and pretty funny it was too!

SANDRA:

Yeah! Like when Arya went down to the beach in that skimpy red bikini and got her hair braided? And then the Second Eragon passed out when she came back!

CANDICE:

You 'member, when Shruikan and Galby ate all the choccy croissants at breakfast one morning? I could have SO slapped them, I _**love **_choccy croissants!

BOTH:

To cut a long story short, we arrived at Bali without much ado, apart from Roran almost killing an air steward who sat on the invisible Katrina by mistake, found each of The Gang someplace to sleep and settled down.


	2. Chapter 2: Adventures

YAHOOOOOIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is good. And crazy! The Second Eragon had to be sat on (which was disastrous) because he caught Arya snogging another GM (guest member) who she liked because he was cute (compared to the Second Eragon) and blond. Garrow scared Tomko the G.O. BY remaining invisible but splashing around next to her in the pool!

Bid'Daum took a dive into the sea, causing a small tsunami and an earthquake measuring 2.5 on the Richter scale, in process almost drowning the First Eragon. Pity it was just_ almost_… meanwhile, in the salon…

"That feels good…" Ajihad said as he was having a massage. At the same time, Orik was shouting, "I do not want a beard-cut! I want you to braid it, estupido!" the hair salonist shrank back, nodded his head quickly and sped off, trying not to think about what would have happened if he remained there.when Orik returned to where King Hrothgar was, Hrothgar almost exploded. " How much have you spent on that horrendous braid, nephew?!"

"Umm… not too much…" Orik managed to stammer., his legs like the insides of a toasted marshmallow. "Well alright, I'll let you off this time, but DO NOT repeat this again." Orik sighed a gi-enormous(gigantuously enormous for your info) sigh of relief and scampered off.

"Who ate all the cheese?!" came the voice of an angry Daddy. "Umm……." We said simultaneously. As we forgot that Daddy's favourite breakfast was cheese toast, we did not stop Murtagh. But still! How are we supposed to know that Murtagh finished **ALL** the cheese? Then Sandra gave Murtagh a kick in the… where it hurts and knocked him unconscious. Arrrgh! How stupid could we be?!? We should have_ known _that Murtagh would have gobbled up _al_l the cheese!

For dinner, we were wearing identical clothes and eating identical meals- salmon, rice, lettuce and-" _**CHEESE!!!**_ GIMME GIMME GIMME!" yells Murtagh.

SANDRA:

_Biff!!!_ "Candice," I say, almost absent-mindedly," I think I knocked him out." Candice turns around and looks over her chair. " Yup. An extra tip too, he's sporting double black-eyes."

"Whoo Babe!" I exclaimed with utter satisfaction. Across the table, Nasuada rolls her eyes.

"Puh- lease! Sandra Cook, _so_ the drama!" a G.O. takes one look at the prostrate Murtagh on the floor, and hurries over. " please, please! We are a happy family here.

"Huh, ya think?" I scoffed. "and if you and your multicolored uniform do not get out of my way this instant, you're next on my knock-out list." The G.O. backed off, wishing her uniform wasn't quite a shade of all the colors of the rainbow.

Back at our room…

"Arya! WHAT in the world is your_ skimpy_ red bikini doing on **MY** teddy!" and just about as Oromis finished, he clamped his mouth shut. Arya grabbed her bikini and ran out of the room while Candice chanted " Oromis has a teddy bear! Oromis has a teddy bear!

CANDICE:

Wow! I can't believe it, OROMIS has a teddy bear! I wonder what the Second Eragon has. Definitely, he has Sandy's disapproval. She wants to _kill_ him. Not that I blame her! And authors have all the power!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SANDRA:

Candy's so right. Both of us HATE that beastly do-gooder with 'da white dragon. Ugh!

CANDICE:

At least he's better than Erry-the-good.

SANDRA:

NO!

CANDICE:

You like him, then???

SANDRA:

NO!

CANDICE:

'Ya sure?

SANDRA:

YES!

CANDICE:

Oooooooooh!

SANDRA:

I mean no, yes! Yes, no! No, yes! Arrrgh!!!


	3. Chapter 3: The Special Things in Life

Chapter 3-

The Special Things in Life

At night, we, Sandra and Candice, crept up to the First Eragon's bed and saw him hugging something flat under his blanket. We pull the covers off and- whoa! He's got a baby blanket! A _smelly_ baby blanket to be precise. How old, exactly, is the First Eragon for starters?! A millennia? 5 centuries? Who knows. All we know is that he is way older than a century.

SANDRA:

Oh my gosh! I seriously can't believe that the First Eragon has a baby blanket… a _smelly _baby blanket! I wonder what Murtagh has… Candy! New investigation! LET'S GO!!!

CANDICE:

We sneak up to Murtagh's bed- YUCK! This guy actually _drools_ that's Murtagh's Special Thing. Murtagh has drooled on this pillow for twenty odd years. Probably. Now let's have some fun with the First Saphira. In the morning. Mwahahahahaha!

"Dad, I can't eat anymore." Sandra says in the middle of breakfast.

"Me too." Candice chimes in. we get out of our seats and head to where the First Saphira is- under the trapeze net- armed with Mom's make-up and nail polish.

SANDRA:

I say'" The beauty ambulance has arrived. First, we get rid of those shoulder pads."

"What shoulder pads?" the First Saphira asks angrily. "Oh nothing." Candice interrupts.

CANDICE:

Close your eyes, Saphira.

SAPHIRA:

Oh alright.

**Sandra tries to French Saphira's "nails"**

CANDICE:

Ok. Open them now.

SAPHIRA:

Ooooh NICE!!! Could you show me how to do that?

**Candice and Sandra look at each other**

BOTH:

Impossible.

SAPHIRA:

GRRRAAAGH!

CANDICE(hurriedly):

Oh, sure ma'am!

SANDRA: yeah. Just give us a few millennia to let your claws develop into fingers…

CANDICE AND SAPHIRA:

SANDRAA!

SANDRA:

Never mind what I said. You may try to French your nails but please, please, _please_ be careful not to break the brush or the vial. It's Revlon y'know.

We stuffed our faces at lunch and picked up some spray paint. You can probably guess what we were about to do next. While Hrothgar was eating, we grabbed our spray paint and slipped into his room. In one minute, his helmet was emerald green with purple hearts on it, his mail became sky blue with hot pink sleeves, his leggings were a fluorescent orange and his boots were bright red. "I brought a whoopee cushion." Sandra says when we are done.

"Put it under the cushion on the chair." Candice replies with a devilish grin

A very loud but short fart is heard from King Hrothgar's chair. We exchange glances. "YES!" we said in the same tone at the same time. "SANDRAAAA AND CANDIIIICE!!! Come here **NOW**!" we then went to his room anticipating a scolding. Hrothar showed us his armor. "What have you done with my armor?" he asked. "oh we just spray painted it, "Candice said "all you need to do is scrub and scrub and scrub to get rid of it." Sandra interrupted. " Please exuse us for a moment." And dragged Candice out of the room.

SANDRA:

King Hrothagr's creepy. Don't mess with him, Candy!

CANDICE:

Ya , ok, fine. And _who_ was the one who got on Thorn's bad side the moment we saw him?

SANDRA:

Whatever. Ooooh! Ooooh! New investigation, Candy! Now to irritate Shruikan!

CANDICE:

Alright!

**Candice and Sandra Hi 5**


	4. Chapter 4: Enter the Dragon's tail

Chapter 4-

Enter the Dragon's Tail

We run to our room. Shruikan is half in, half out. His body in, his neck craned to the kitchen to smell the freshly baked chocolate croissants to be precise. We creep in, plop superglue onto certain parts of the room. It so happened that Shruikan's tail was moving and causing slight tremors in the room. Suddenly, a loud _**squelch**_ was heard and we ran out of the room. "Oh Yeah!" Candice shout once we're out of earshot.

SHRUIKAN:

**RAWR!** _SANDRAAA AND CANDIICE!!!!!!!!!_

**Sandra and Candice come running in**

CANDICE(innocently):

Yes?

SHRUIKAN:

What have you done with my tail?

**Shruikan attempts to remove his tail from the floor**

CANDICE:

Blow fire on it.

**Shruikan blows smoke onto Candice's face**

SANDRA:

Erm… Candice?

CANDICE:

What?

SANDRA:

Glue is highly flammable and will burn Shruikan's tail in a jiffy.

CANDICE:

Oh yeah.

SHRUIKAN:

Scrub the glue off my tail or expect an exposed, burnt rear.

SANDRA (hurriedly):

Ok, ok! We'll help.

After an hour of scrubbing and pulling, Shruikan was finally satisfied. He flew off to go hunting and left us sprawled on the floor drenched in our own sweat. We crawled out of the room to see Daddy with his hands on his hips:" Where have you been, you two?" Mommy ran up. "We've been looking for you all day! And Sandy, what EVER happened to your lovely Esprit de Corp t-shirt?!" Oops. _Big _oops. We forgot that whenever we are near any of the Gang, we get "sucked" into the invisibility fields the Magic Personnel have set up.

"And _what on Earth_ happened to the door!" daddy forcibly brings us back down on Earth. Eeeks. Eeeeks. EEEEEEEEEKS!

After a miserable half an hour of explaining, we find ourselves locked in our room.

SANDRA:

"This is ALL your fault, " Candice sulks. "Shut your gob, "I snap. "You appeared to agree at first!"

Candice blows a raspberry at me and then turns around to face the wall.

CANDICE:

After a while, I burst out, "This is our last full day! And we're grounded! And now we can't set Arya up on a blind date with Nathan (a G.M.)!" quiet for a while. Then-

"Ok. Sorry. Your right but…"

"Yeah " I prompted. "I'm getting kinda tired of that lot, aren't you?" questioned Sandra. "Yah. Especially the Second Eragon and Nasuada and Mr I-love-all-cheeses-to-Kingdom-come."

"Murtagh?" I nod. "you're right. Next mission- get rid of all those people!"


	5. Chapter 5: Good Riddance

Chapter 5-

Good Riddance

In the end, we decided that Arya was the only one with enough power to open another portal. Trouble was, she didn't _want_ to do it.

"Pleeease, Arya? You can't stay with us forever, y'know," we pleaded.

"Says who?" She demanded. "I'll stay as long as I please, so there!"

We look at each other and Sandra cracks her knuckles. To quote Eoin Colfer-

"Time to do what (we) do best- plot dastardly plans."

With that, we walked to the kitchen to have a snack and plan. When Candice opened the refrigerator, she said, "What has Mom been doing, buying all this wine?" Then suddenly, a thought struck Sandra's racked brain. Sandra grabbed the bottle from the refrigerator, took a tall glass and poured half the dark red contents of the wine in it. "Waddid' ja do that for?! I wanted to try some." Candice complained as Sandra poured the alcoholic beverage into the crystal clear glass. "Idiota! This is very strong alcohol. I'm gonna make Arya drunk and persuade her to bring the Gang back to Alagaesia. That's the one and only way to get them out of here."

"Oh…" Candice trails off.

"Mom, Dad, we'll be in our room!" Candice called out as we skipped to our room, the tall glass in Sandra's hand. Arya was in the room day dreaming about the "cute" boys she met at Club Med. We passed the glass to her, telling her that gulping it down would give her a wish. She took a huge gulp and then drained the whole goblet. Wow! SCARY! Then, she went all brain-mushed. And started babbling about the blond G.M. she was snogging the earlier in the story and how they were going to get married and all the other mushy stuff. We then said that unless she made a portal back to Alagaesia, the blond guy would_ die_ **IMMEDIATELY**. Somehow, she believed us, made the portal, heaved the Gang in and closed the portal. "Phew! That didn't work out too bad." Candice commented. "Yea. Wait 'til Mom sees that we aren't so bad after all and maybe stop grounding-"

"SANDRA AND CANDICE COOK!!!!! Come here this **INSTANCE**!" came the voice of an exploding Mommy. We exchange glances and sighed. Here we go AGAIN.

After another VERY long explanation about half the bottle of wine that disappeared, Mom said, " I am sick of your pranks and jokes! I'm separating you two!" We glanced at each other we dread written all over our faces. What have we done?


End file.
